14. Mom-Brains, Dopamine & the Internet
Hey Everyone,
So, last episode, I talked about intuition: what it is, what it’s not, and how it can bring relief to some of the more confusing and tiring things about being a Mom. This episode builds upon themes from Part 1 to explore one feature of modern life that can make it difficult to access our inner-knowing, the internet.
And as a person who is using the internet to challenge the internet, I get the irony, but the reason I dare to go there is that being social online intersects in some precarious ways with changes that took place in our brains after giving birth.
So this episode starts by talking about postpartum changes to the female brain, highlights how social media in particular interfaces with those changes, and ultimately how we can get more of what we’re really seeking in life.
Welcome to Yoga for Mom-Life. I’m Susana Jones, and I help lighten the mental load of early motherhood. With time-honored wisdom, and yoga practices that work with your life, you can find your flow in any stage of your child’s development, and build positive momentum in what matters most to you.
So, while working on a research paper for my graduate class this summer, I learned some fascinating things about how a woman’s brain transforms during pregnancy and after childbirth.
Apparently, women’s brains shrink in volume during pregnancy. They lose some gray matter. But that loss is made up for during the first six months or so after childbirth, when responding to an infant’s cues, and learning how to take care of them enhances what’s known as the maternal caregiving network in the brain. The structures associated with this network, and the interactions between them, are reinforced by the experience of tending to one’s child. So for all of us first-time parents, Nature’s got our back on this one.
For parents who have raised an infant to toddlerhood and even beyond would likely attest to how much they’ve had to learn on-the-spot to care for their child. My impression is that this happens indefinitely as a child grows.
At different points in their development, maybe even through adulthood, there are things to learn as a parent, and those points of learning have physical pathways in the brain that get stronger and more robust the more they’re used. And, judging by what our parents may have forgotten since they raised little kids, some of those neural pathways break down over time when they become less critical for everyday life.
Some hallmarks of enhancements to this network include greater executive functioning, an ability to scan situations for potential threats, and higher motivation to tend to a child than one might otherwise have. Sounds about right.
In terms of motivation, the physical areas of the brain that undergo these changes are full of dopamine receptors. One study I read (on female rodents and their pups) which discussed the maternal reward system, stated that a baby (a rodent pup in the context of this study) latching on to breastfeed was found to be more satisfying than using a certain, addictive white-powder derived from the coca plant (cocaine). You got me?
So, keep in mind that during the postpartum period, Moms get used to some serious hits of dopamine that aren’t so much a part of normal life. We’ll come back to this shortly.
Another change in the maternal brain that matters for mothers’ mental health and well-being is a stronger Theory of Mind. This is, essentially, a worldview that includes others. It leads to greater empathy, the ability to understand where people are coming from, and for Moms, I reckon it can help us discern what’s going on with our kids when they’re struggling.
It may be that what we often refer to as Mothers’ Intuition is really connected to these neurological changes.
So, Theory of Mind increases its reach and functionality within a mother’s brain. And while gains in this ability to relate is good. It may explain why moms can be such givers, and nurturers, and reliable people.
But some studies suggest that these gains in empathy and consideration of other’s perspective can function as a double-edged sword. For all the interpersonal goodness that come with a one’s Theory of Mind, enhancements in this area can also make mothers more prone to stress and difficult emotions during the first several months postpartum, and perhaps even beyond.
In this scenario, feelings hit harder than usual for Moms. Mothers may “take-on” other peoples’ struggles more than we need to, be more susceptible to mood disorders like anxiety and depression, and may generally feel everything more than the average person.
All of these postpartum brain changes are relevant to how we engage with the world online, and lead a balanced existence while raising our families.
By the way, everything I reference is listed in my show notes at yogaformomlife.com. They’re part of a growing body of scientific research on maternal brain changes, mental health and well-being. This year alone saw an influx of studies in this area, much of which was done by fellow mothers, and I’m really happy to be sharing some of their collective work with you.
One notable figure who is also a parent working on behalf of well-being, is the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy. Dr. Murthy recently released a public health advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents, (so validating). He cited social media as one of several factors that makes parenthood today significantly more difficult than it was for earlier generations. Partly, this is due to the serious risks social media poses to adolescents, and partly due to the culture of comparison and content that triggers our base instincts.
As always, I promise to bring this exploration around to a useful, positive place. We all need that, don’t we?
So, given the postpartum changes that happen in women's brains, it seems as though relying on social media as a way to connect and relax is not our best option. Here’s why:
We crave bigger bursts of dopamine since our brains changed, and social media gives us just enough to keep us coming back for more.
The upside of this is fine. You see some familiar faces, you get hearts on a thing you shared, you laugh at something totally relatable, and then you move on with your day. That’s the best-case scenario.
Beyond that, it takes some serious will to use something so addictive without it getting the best of you.
And I know it seems harmless to pick up your phone for some “me-time.” But it’s actually a pretty consequential activity.
We talk about consuming what’s in our feed (terminlogy that I find really gross, for the record) but social media also consumes. It consumes our time and our attention, which are critical resources for our well-being.
It also consumes natural resources due to the massive server farms that hold the data of all the content we engage with. These take land, they require water and power, and depending on where the grid powering that server farm is located, that energy may come from dirty fuel, like coal.
To put this into perspective, according to an article in The Atlantic, when Brazilian soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo posts a photo to Instagram, not even a reel mind you, the estimated energy it takes for that post to be seen by his 190 million followers could power a home for 5 or 6 years.
The reason I bring this up is that its deceptively easy to just sit back and scroll, and think of it as having no consequences, but it does. You might think of it being as harmless as letting your mind wander for a while, but that’s actually good for you.
Spacing out, or daydreaming, these use what’s happening within you in, rather than what’s happening around the world.
Just being with what’s already in your head creates greater self-awareness, an inner point of reference that shows you what you need, and what you don’t, so you don’t have to waste your time feeling vaguely dissatisfied, but wanting more of something that’s hard to name.
And this is not to make anyone wrong, it’s to make us aware.
Because unlike spending an hour on Tik Tok, for instance, giving your mind a screen-free break is like tidying up your home. It gives you a chance to
move around from room-to-to room,
put away the things that got put into strange places by a three year-old
To form an original thought
or remember something meaningful that got pushed to the back of the heap.
Social media just piles more stuff in. It clutters our mental space, and pollutes the air that we breathe.
I think the biggest factor pertaining to one's individual health is the opportunity cost of spending our free time on these platforms, rather than doing what we know to be enriching and enlivening to us.
And, I understand the need to zone out. But what I find striking about the brain-changes piece for Moms on social media is that what we find online may hit us harder. Comparison, jealousy, climate anxiety, tragic events, FOMO, impulse buying, etc. We may be more susceptible to what we engage with online.
So, unless we’re super careful about the accounts we follow, and give ourselves ample breaks from all the impressions we take from our time on social, I think as Moms in particular we can find ourselves wanting more of something that actually makes us feel pretty bad. And it doesn’t have to be that way.
What we give up to be on social, the opportunity cost of being there, can provide us with the happy chemicals that our brains created more space for, and other hormones that create a balanced existence from the inside-out.
During my own screen time, which I have to keep in check like anyone else, I came across Jessica McCabes concept of the “dopa-menu.” It basically is a go-to reference in times of stress or exhaustion - of which there are many in early motherhood, and gives you options, which you choose, for how to fill your need for joy and relief in ways that help your cause more than they hurt. The idea is that these generate the kind of dopamine response that builds greater vitality by forming habits around activities that make us feel really good.
And, as Jessica McCabe explains in How to ADHD on YouTube, “just like it’s really hard to make good food choices when you’re already hungry, it’s really hard to make good dopamine choices when you’re already low on dopamine.”
And because we have varying amounts of time and energy week-to-week, the menu ranges from minimal to moderate effort.
The dopamine menu features appetizers, main courses, sides, and of course dessert.
Appetizers are like moderate-commitment activities that make you feel good, like chatting with a friend, taking a coffee break outside, or putting on a nice outfit.
The main courses are more involved, like working out, going for a hike, or doing something creative.
Sides are little add-ons, like playing music, or listening to Yoga for Mom-Life. Yay :)
Specials are special, like getting a massage, seeing a show, or taking a trip
And desserts are little indulgences that sweeten your life. Like chocolate-covered gummy bears and Instagram! They’re on the menu. We’re just not going to put all our free time and energy into them.
We are, however, going to remember that we have options, and that the options which require the lowest effort give us the least reward. By keeping dessert the sweet treat it’s meant to be, and having some vetted options for more rewarding uses of your time and attention, you can get joy and sustenance you crave from real life.
As Moms, we give so much and stretch our brains to their absolute limits that we often just want to grab whatever we can to replenish at the end of the day.
That’s why I’m fixing up a fall dopamine menu for my members, with yoga specials and seasonal sides that satiate our need for pick-me-ups anytime we need a break that gives more than it takes.
When we make it easy to opt for an activity that pulls our awareness inward, rather than out toward the entire universe, we also gain self-assuredness, peace of mind, and greater discernment.
As Moms who are navigating multiple big changes in our lives on any given given day, inner-knowing is a tremendous asset, especially in the digital age. Your intuitive sense of what brings you closer, to or further from, what you’re really seeking in life is there no matter how good the WiFi is.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this two-part special. I’ll be back in two weeks with another side dish for ya. Until then, grab a free appetizer on your own dopamine menu at yogaformomlife.com. Download your copy of Play Area-friendly Yoga that you can tape to the wall, and use to decompress while your little one works with their toys. No executive functioning necessary :)
Thank you for tuning in and for sharing this show with the Moms you love. It’s Yoga for Mom-Life, and it’s about time.
References
Barba-Müller, E., Craddock, S., Carmona, S., & Hoekzema, E. (2018). Brain plasticity in pregnancy and the postpartum period: links to maternal caregiving and mental health. Springer Archives of Women’s Mental Health, 2, 289-299. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-018-0889-z
Ferris, C. F. (2005). Pup suckling is more rewarding than cocaine: evidence from functional magnetic resonance imaging and three-dimensional computational analysis. J Neurosci 25:149–156. https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.3156-04.2005
How to ADHD. (2020, May 26). How to give your brain the stimulation it needs [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6WCkTwW6xg
Michel, A. H. (2024, July 5). Every time you post to Instagram, you’re turning on a light bulb forever. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/07/how-much-data-ai-use/678908/
Office of the U. S. Surgeon General. (2024). Parents under pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the mental health & well-being of parents. U.S. Public Health Service. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/parents-under-pressure.pdf
Office of the U. S. Surgeon General. (2023). Social media and youth mental health: The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory. U.S. Public Health Service. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf
